Nikaḥ kitāba, otherwise known as “celibate marriage,” has become an increasingly common and preferred way of marriage for many young Muslim couples. A young man and woman may find themselves wanting to marry one another, but at the time are unable to live together. So instead of being engaged for long periods of time and making things difficult for the two, they choose to wed by nikaḥ kitāba.

This practice is actually a tradition of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, who married Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, and delayed consummation until she was older.

After over 18 months of being married by nikaḥ kitāba, today marks the day my husband and I will be having our “ruksathi” wedding party after which will begin to live our lives together forever, inshaAllah. After a wonderful year and a half of a beautiful relationship Allah blessed us with, we came up with what we feel is an essential survival guide for couples undergoing the same journey we just completed. If you are married by nikāḥ kitāba or will be in the future, then this list is for you.

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The countdown to my wedding is no longer being measured in weeks, but rather in days.  I’ve got four more days until I’ll officially have “moved out” of my house.  I’ll actually be leaving Michigan on Monday, but I suppose the rukhsati marks my departure from my house.

I can’t describe how sad I am to leave my home because there are too many things I love about it.  But I think I can at least try to describe the many reasons I love my own room and why I will subsequently miss it.

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It’s been nine whole years since I started wearing hijab.  In 1999, just like today, it was Friday the 13th of June.  It was the day after 8th grade finished and the first day of summer.  I threw on that hijab with determination never to stop.

But what brought me to wearing it?  What was my epiphany that forced me to rethink my values and take a step towards Allah?  What was my story?

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It all started with a horse– Sandy.

What felt like almost everyday, ammi and I would go to Meijer when I was a little kid.  And whenever she would pay for groceries, she would quickly plop me down on the pony, drop in a penny, and let me have a “wild ride”.  Despite the fact that this pony only went back forth at a rate of 1/2 a mile per hour, I thought it was unbelievably fun.

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I always liked Lord of the Rings for one of its extremely valuable underlying themes– even the tiniest of people can make a difference in the world.

In this past year of teaching, I’ve found this to be very true.   The little kiddies of the elementary school not only can make a difference in the world, but they can teach you a multitude of things.

For example, at the start of the year I did not have memorized a du’aa for reciting in the morning and a du’aa for reciting just after prayer and prior to making dhikr.  But now after teaching, I can proudly say that I do know these two new du’aas.  And who were my teachers?  Why the hobbits in my life– the elementary school kids!

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