rsvp.jpgI know you’ve felt this way before:  you’ve invited guests to come over and you’re staring at the clock wondering, “When is everyone going to show up?  Do I have enough food?  That person never called me back to let me know if he was going to come… I wonder if he decided on it or not.  Is that someone at the door?  Nope… where is everyone?”

I know this is a common feeling people have because I’ve actually heard people complain about that exact circumstance before.  I’ve even heard people say that it makes them feel unimportant, kind of loserish, and even slightly rejected.

Is that the way a host or hostess should feel?  Someone who is so kind as to invite you over to his or her house?  Apparently not, according to our beloved Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalaam

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyallaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The rights of the Muslim upon the Muslim are six.” It was said, “And what are they Oh Messenger of Allaah?” He replied, “When you meet him, give him the greeting of peace, when he invites you, respond to his invitation, when he seeks your advice, advise him, when he sneezes and praises Allaah, supplicate for mercy upon him, when he becomes ills, visit him, and when he dies follow him (i.e. his funeral).”  [Sahih Muslim]

Imagine that, as a host it is your right as a Muslim that when you give an invitation, your guests respond.  It is your right that if they don’t have a valid excuse, they must attend your invitation.  It is your right that if your guests tell you they are coming, that they come on time.

This problem of not RSVPing, not attending parties, or not even coming on time, is very common in the Muslim ummah.  Now stop for a minute, before you start to visualize an old uncle or auntie showing up late.  This is now a problem amongst OUR generation–a problem that we complained our parents had about proper etiquette and manners.

If we know how horrible it feels to have people flake out on our parties or come late, we shouldn’t be doing this to others!  If we are invited somewhere, we must respond and go on time.  We need to tell our hosts as soon as we know that we can or cannot come.  A host has preparations to make, and if we think that we can wait until the last minute to figure out whether or not we want to show up, we are most definitely not giving our Muslim brother or sister his or her right that we respond to his or her invitation.

Please keep in mind that once we say we are going to attend, we need to fulfill our promise! We can’t just disappear at the last minute and not attend. We need to make every effort to make sure we are there where we’re supposed to be.  Afterall, doesn’t it hurt to be stood up?  Why hurt our Muslim brother or sister?

And another thing, once we’ve RSVPd, and really make it out the door, let’s make sure we arrive on time!  A party doesn’t start when we show up.  The world does not revolve around our schedules.  If someone goes out of their way to kindly invite us to a gathering, we had better come on time to show that we respect our host. There is so much that goes into planning a party or any gathering.  Making food, planning activities, speeches, whatever.  When people are late, it is very stressful for the host.  It isn’t fair that a host should be worrying about when the guest will arrive so that they can start their program.

This is the case in social and public gatherings, or private parties.  All hosts have a schedule they want to run by, including preparation time (which starts well before the party), serving dinner/starting a speech, having time for socializing, and also getting cleaned up at the end.  When we decide to come late (because let’s be honest, it really is a decision we make.  Being late is very rarely an unavoidable accident) we are throwing off the schedule, and quite possibly making our over worked host not only stressed out, but also tired and worried about how late the event is going to go until.

Do not think our choice to be late doesn’t effect others.  By arriving late, we are making those who had the courtesy to arrive on time wait around for us!  Why is that the people that show no concern for timeliness have everything hang on their arrival?  This is a common occurrence at public speeches.  The speaker arrives on time to an audience of five people.  So what happens?  Instead of rewarding those who made the effort to come on time, they are forced to wait around for everyone else who didn’t care to do the same.  Do you know what the result is?  The people who once cared to come on time realize there is no point of being there, and they’ll start coming late, too.

Guests and audience do not get to decide how the schedule is going to be.  And for some reason, people think this to be true.  We all know the case with weddings:  invitation says 7:00PM, “Oh, we’ll leave the house at 7:15, no one is going to be there on time anyway.  And they can’t start without the guests.”

So that’s that?  The guests get to control the timing of the party?  NO!  The host does because… it’s their right!  

Please, no more lame excuses about generations of acceptable PST, DST, BST, AST, whatever.  The standard time is what is on the clock! We need to stop using our cultural baggage as an excuse because we are all fully capable of being places on time:   Don’t we go to the doctor on time?  or work?  What about college classes?  We don’t just stroll in when we feel like it, do we?  Didn’t think so… because we know it’s impolite and disrespectful to keep someone waiting.  But is that only our concern for non-Muslims?  We can be rude and disrespectful with our Muslim brothers and sisters?

That doesn’t make any sense, especially since it is every Muslim’s right that their invitations are responded to and upheld with respect.  And you know what? Since it’s a host’s right, unfortunately, they can hold all this injustice against them… against us on the Day of Judgment!  Seems like a pretty lame reason to lose good deeds when we’ll all be desperate for them?  Couldn’t make it to a party on time.  Strolled in late for a wedding.  Flaked out on a birthday party.  Never RSVPd for a graduation BBQ.  Showed up 30 minutes late to an Islamic lecture and kept everyone waiting.

It may not seem like a big deal, but it is a major injustice!  Keep it real, RSVP and be on time!