Hajj Stories–Sad, sad, sad.

I’ve sat down on numerous occasions and opened my wordpress and started typing out long stories about Hajj, but I can never finish.  Just now I started three separate posts about the lack of luxuries, going to Arafah, and Muzdalifah being my favorite part.  But each post ended with me pressing ctrl+A and then delete. I just can’t find the words to share my experiences with everyone.

Everytime I think about Hajj I just get sad.  Sad that I’m home again.  Sad that I don’t have the opportunities I had while I was there.  Sad that I can’t see my group mates on a bus at 4:00am going to the masjid to catch Fajr.  Sad that I can’t stand in a sea of honking busses, engrossed in fumes and smog.  Sad that my feet aren’t aching from all the walking.  Sad that the adhan is not blasting all around me reminding me that salah is the most important part of my day. Sad, sad, sad.

I’m so pathetically sad that the other day when I heard a Jay Z song about New York, it reminded me of being in Mecca and I started bawling.  That’s right, Jay Z brought me to tears.  Sad, sad, sad.

So I’m sorry that I won’ be talking about Hajj on my blog.  I got the feeling that some of you were looking forward to reading my reflections, but I just can’t doi t.  I can’t make myself miserable over the loss of such an amazing time in my life.  Hajj is done and gone.  And everytime I sit down to write on my blog it’s like someone is opening a wound and throwing it in my face.  Hajj is now just a memory to me, because it’s over.  And I’d rather keep my memories to myself.

As for all of you, readers of my blog, if you want to know about Hajj–GO!  Everyone you talk will tell you it’s the most amazing experience ever, and we aren’t being paid to tell you that.  It’s because it IS the most amazing experience ever.  And it IS the best trip you’ll ever take.  And when you go, you’ll understand how I feel.

May Allah make it easy for all of you to go for Hajj and comeback utterly speechless and longing to go back again, ameen.