Well, it’s been 5 weeks since then, and Abdullah is now 6 weeks old.  He still has a hole in his heart, so you can imagine that means he still hasn’t had his surgery.

On the one hand, this is great news.  Alhumdulillah, Abdullah is doing really great.  Of all the symptoms that a child with a VSD can show, Abdullah only has one– his heart beats fast.  Otherwise, he’s eating well, gaining weight, sleeping well, not turning blue, breathing just fine, blood pressure is great, and the oxygen concentration in his blood is almost always at 100% Awesome!  I couldn’t be happier.

On the other hand, because he’s doing so great, the cardiologist has decided to postpone the surgery until an undecided date.  This worries me.  This worries me because the reason why we’re postponing the surgery is because he’s doing so well.  In my mind this is the perfect time to do the surgery:  here you go, surgeon, a healthy baby to operate on, with no complications! But apparently, a healthy baby isn’t a good enough reason to operate.

Okay, I get it.  The cardiologist said that we need a good enough reason, on paper, to operate.  On paper, Abdullah’s vitals are awesome, and we’re still not 100% sure the hole won’t close on its own.  The moment we can say otherwise, we’ll get a green light to operate.  In other words: if his health takes a turn for the worse (ie, congestive heart failure) then we’ll have a reason to go in for surgery.

I don’t want to wait for that to happen!  As a mom it makes me crazy at home, just watching him for signs of congestive heart failure.  Every time the poor kid works up a sweat because his mommy has him wrapped too tight in a blanket, I can’t decipher if he’s sweating ‘cuz he’s hot, or sweating because his heart is having a hard time pumping.  Or, when he’s drinking his milk, and he gets a little out of breath, I don’t know if that’s because he’s just hungry and drinking too fast, or if it’s because his lungs just aren’t strong enough for him to do the work.

I’m scared.  I’m scared, a lot.  I’m scared about all the time in between now and the surgery.

One of the tasks I’ve been given by Abdullah’s cardiologist is to make sure he stays healthy before his surgery. His heart can’t handle any type of infections (flus, colds, etc.)  This means that Saqib and I have basically locked ourselves in the apartment and are keeping visitors away.  But I don’t know how long that’ll be effective in keeping him healthy.  It’s one thing to keep “germy people” away… but what about germy parents??  What if I get sick, or Saqib gets sick… then what??  Do we stay away from Abdullah?  Is that realistic?  The chances of one of the two of us getting sick is going to increase as the winter months get closer and closer.  I’m not sure how long we can go without any germs in our apartment…

*sigh*  I guess all I can do is 1) trust in Allah and 2) listen to the doctors.  They are the professionals, afterall–they did go through years of medical school.  I’m guessing that the cardiologist is an expert on heart problems and probably knows what he’s talking about.  But, unfortunately, the maternal voice in my head is starting to get louder and louder, and it’s getting harder for me to shut it up.

“…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Surah Baqarah: 216)

This is true in all matters of life.  Sometime we think we’re the experts on our life and that we know what’s best.  Nope.  Allah knows what’s best, always.  Sometimes we don’t get why we have to do something, or wait, or whatever.  But in the end, we should remember that Allah planned something for us, and He is the Best Planner.

I guess wanting surgery soon may not be a good idea, and postponing it could be better for Abdullah–and that’s really all that I want.  Allah knows, and I don’t.  Gotta give it up to that.

In the meantime, I’m going to try my best to be patient and think happy thoughts:  sometimes I like to close my eyes and revisit my hospital room, Tuesday morning, on September 28th.  It was just me, my husband, and my baby:  no holes, no surgeries, no heart problems.  insha’Allah my family will come back to this feeling again.

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ

He really only has 4 basic needs:  to pooh, to fart, to sleep, to eat.  When he’s pooing, he turns red in the face, stretches out, and sounds frustrated, but isn’t crying.  When he’s gassy, he’s crying and won’t eat anything.  When he’s hungry he’ll start to turn his head to the side with his mouth wide open, or he’ll start to suck on his entire fist.  And when he’s tired, it’s usually right after he did one of the other activities

I can imagine that as more weeks go by, and he has more feelings, needs, frustrations, I’ll be able to figure those out based on his habits and faces.  Now I know why my parents can tell how I’m feeling just from the look on my face… they’ve been identifying it for years!  Silly me to think that they didn’t know how I was feeling, when it was clearly written all over my face… at least for them to see.

So note to self, and to other kids:  Parents really do know their kids so well.  You can’t hide much from them.  So just embrace it and let them help you.  Because if there’s one thing I’ve also learned–no matter what face Abdullah is making, every bone inside of me wants to help him get past what’s bothering him.  Even if that means cranking up his leg, and letting him fart all over me

I delivered a baby boy on Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 at 12:23AM.  He was 6lbs 11oz, and 19 inches long.  We named him Abdullah Yusuf Shafi, and he is the most beautiful person I’ve come to know in my life

A lot of people have been asking, “So, how does it feel to be a parent??”  I’d sum it up with one word:  uncontrollable.  Never in my life have I felt so much that Allah controls everything, and I have absolutely no control.  For one, I can’t control the love that I have for my son.  If you think about it, I’ve hardly known the kid for 12 days, yet he is the single most important person in my life now.  All I want is what’s best for him, and I’m not sure why.  It perplexes me that I love him so much, but I don’t even know him, and I have no “real” relationship with him.  As one person said it best, “If weren’t for the mercy of Allah placed in the heart of a parent, their children would be the number one people that they hate.”  Honestly, I couldn’t agree more.  The love and connection I have to my son is one that I couldn’t even dream of building myself–it is completely from Allah.

Not only are my emotions and feelings uncontrollable, but what happens to my son is uncontrollable.  I have come to realize that no matter how much I want things to be one way for my son, only Allah can control what the reality is.  This is most evident in the fact that Abdullah has a large hole in his heart (VSD).  He’ll be needing surgery in the next few weeks (du’as requested, please!).  Alhumdu’lillah he has a great cardiologist and surgeon lined up to work on him, but still I know that ultimately what happens to my son is not controlled by the doctors, but rather Allah.

Whew, talk about a lot of feelings to sort through!  New love, new fears, and new hopes.  May Allah make this new relationship that I have with my son, one that helps us both attain jannah, ameen!

Monday– One of abbu’s subordinates at work is moving to Brazil and was in town checking the area out to find a place to live.  Abbu, being his boss, graciously invited him over for lunch and a basic FAQ session.  So this guy showed up around noon with his wife… did I mention they’re South Indian, ??  Wery antarasting, indeed. I had all sorts of South Indian trivia questions I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to embarrass 1) my parents or 2) my in-laws where I picked up my little know-how.  FYI–he was very impressed that my husband is from Bangalore.  2 points for Saqib!

Ammi having done her research found out that this little h-i-n-d-u actually ate meat, so she made chicken shami kabobs, allu gosht, chawal and daal.  I realize that in my last post I repeatedly said that whatever ammi had made for kaana was “yummy” or “delicious” but foreals, the kaana was yummy and delicious!  It’s not my fault that she keeps cooking good food.

After we served them lunch we also brought out some desserts.  As we were all enjoying our little chocolate cakes and brownies, abbu offered to make chai.  This is when something happened that I thought I’d never hear:  the man asked abbu if he was serioiusly going to drink chai, abbu said yes.  The man said, “You must use dip tea bags.”  Abbu said, “Of course.”  The man then said, “But this will not taste good.”  [[needle comes off the record player]]  I had to look the other way to hide my dropping jaw–did someone just tell my dad that his chai will not taste good???  Wow.  Abbu handled the matter very nicely, he just said, “Okay, no chai then.”

Monday happened to be my pseudo-anniversary so we “celebrated” with pizza.  I requested plain old cheese, and abbu brought home a four cheese pizza from Celeiro–one of those cheeses was GORGONZOLA–wow it was umm… interesting.

Tuesday–We all got up bright and early and headed downtown to the old city.  We first drove along some ocean drive which was very pretty and ended up at a light house that was built on a peninsula.  It was a beautiful day outside so walking around the light house was very nice.  After that we went to this market place Mercado Model and I bought a bunch of little trinkets to take back home for my friends.  We then went up to the rightfully named upper city and walked around to find a place to eat lunch.  That took a lot of time.  The only place we could find was some fancy restaurant that served huge proportions.  It was called Odoya.  Before we left we had to pray Asr so we went into this really beautiful historic museum.  They had a lot of open ballrooms that no one was walking in, so we took turns praying there.  I love knowing that the world is my musallah, and I can pray wherever I want.  We went to the masjid for maghrib after all that.  Abbu who is a pretty good expert of the streets was just a little bit confused about how to go from downtown to the masjid.  Being the American that I am, I told abbu to just follow this GPS.  He insisted it wouldn’t be helpful, but I told him that it was in fact helpful.  He humored me–the streets of Salvador are organized like a loose plate of spaghetti.  There is no rhyme or reason to the way the streets are set up.  Abbu already knew this, but I insisted we follow the GPS because it’d get us to the masjid in less than 10 minutes.  Actually it only get us stuck in a small street that was so congested with fruit vendors and other things–it was like driving our car through the ISNA bazaar.  Woops!  We ended up hitting someone

Wednesday– This was a pretty relaxing day at home.  I think we were all tuckered out from the big happenings from the day before.  The only point of interest was that I went to a grocery store with ammi and abbu and that yet again ammi made AMAZING food for kaana:  roasted chicken, vegetable rice, and homemade humous.

Thursday– When I woke up in the morning I couldn’t imagine eating another breakfast of eggs and paratay.  Not that it doesn’t taste good, but anyone can get tired of eating the same thing morning after morning.  Instead I asked ammi if there was a way to make French toast out of the bread we had–why of course we can!  We didn’t have any syrup, but we did have cream cheese and jam.  That was good enough for me.

Later in the afternoon we drove out to a local beatnik town called Arimbepe to go to some restaurant on the beach.  The restaurant was called Mar Aberto–open seas.  I wasn’t in the mood for anything local or adventurous, so I just ordered the closest thing to popcorn shrimp and mashed potatoes.  It was a lot better than Red Lobster–that’s for sure!  The food itself took forever and a half to get to us, but in the mean time I had fun looking out at the ocean and beach.  Luckily the restaurant sections off the beach in front of itself, that way you don’t have to see the real local fare on the beach–ew.

After lunch was done abbu showed us around the Complexo Ford.  My dad’s drive to work basically goes through what I consider to be the jungle.  It’s crazy dense forest with random animals crossing!  This ain’t no 96 or Southfield Fwy!   I asked my dad if when he comes back to America he’d shed a tear as he turned his car on Rotunda Drive–he had no comment, which to me is a yes.   The big Ford complex is in an area that is pretty industrialized, there were a lot of other factories.  Luckily the area where the Ford plants were didn’t look like they were harming the environment, too much.  Some of the other factories for other companies looked like tumors in the rain forest.  It was very sad indeed.

Friday–Another Friday, another Jumuah.  We got ready to go to the masjid at 11:45.  Abbu was especially busy in the kitchen because he had volunteered to make lunch for all the masjid folk.  Finally!  The opportunity to eat abbu’s kaana.  Whenever my dad is in fending for himself in Brazil without ammi, he has to cook for himself.  I always here about these dishes he prepares for the masjid that makes the locals go Coocoo-bananas, but I’d never actually had the chance to eat it.  I was impressed with him!  He made something akin to chicken pilau with vegetables in it.  And, of course, the masjid people ate it up right quick.  Good job to abbu!  A wonderful cook in the hiding

By the way, on the way to the masjid, the streets were completely DEAD.  I thought it was because it was the last day of a local holiday, but abbu knew better than me (of course, as always).  The streets were empty because it was the game against Portugal.  Which apparently didn’t even matter because both teams had already qualified to move on to the next round of the Worldcup.  Every single shop was closed.  Even the local restaurants weren’t open.  I was shocked to see that the Worldcup means so much to these people.  As abbu said, “Soccer is their religion.”

After we left the masjid we went out shopping for more local items.  I picked up some Brazilian knives which are amazing, and a pair of flip flops for the husband back home.  Fati and Hanie loaded up on similar items–knives, flip flops, coffee, etc.  I’m excited for Saqib to use the knives when I get back.  I wanted to buy a cutting board from here, but the really good ones are super expensive because the wood is from the rain forest.  Anything else is comparable to the stuff you find at BB&B, so there’s no point in hauling it back in my suitcase.

At night I made spaghetti sauce for everyone–actually I made it for myself.  I really wanted spaghetti, so I figured if I wanted it, then everyone else would just have to eat it, too.  Luckily it turned out to be good.  I didn’t feel so bad forcing it on all of them.

Saturday–My parents live in a town called Villas de Atlantico.  On Saturday I found out why.  I had no idea they were within 5 minutes of a beach–it was really nice!  Tons of palm trees, relatively private, and really clean.  We went on a day that was kinda cloudy, and we went kinda early too.  Ammi and I strolled up and down the beach a few times and then sat down on a bench to appreciate the beauty.  A man was selling coconuts on the sidewalk, so ammi and abbu bought some and we drank straight out of it!  I got to drink out of a coconut!!  The vendor moved on, and then a little later we saw his supplier.  A man came by on his bike, parked it by a palm tree, took off his Haviana chapals, and then walked right up the side of the tree like it was nothing dangerous at all.  He got to the top, knocked off some coconuts, walked back down the tree, and then put the coconuts in a bag.  We saw him selling coconuts to the man we bought our drink from.  How cool!  Local business from local products

At night ammi made matr pilau and I went it was my turn to go Coocoo-bananas.  I love love love matr pilau!  So I took this opportunity to learn how to make it first hand.  I have big plans to go home and make matr pilau for Saqib   Watch out, husband–Pakistani food is coming your way!

After kaana we went to Gelaguela, my treat.  I got some chocolate ice cream that had chunks of oreos in it.  It was really really good, and I think I liked it even more because I am jones-ing for some milk.

Sunday– Hanie left in the morning, and the rest of the day I think my parents spent resting and recuperating.  Fati and I hung around, went swimming, and acted like pretty big dorks together.  All in all a slow, relaxing day at home.

Monday–Abbu went back to work—boooooo!  Ammi, Fati and I headed out to the local shops to find some more local items.  She bought a sweater (not very useful to Brazilians, I think) and I bought some scented oil.  I was impressed that Fati managed to drive around the local streets, without getting lost!  I think I figured her out–if the streets are parallel and perpendicular, then she won’t get it.  If the streets look like spaghetti–Fati will be just fine driving in circles and making her way home

That afternoon we had our last chance in the pool.  The sun was out, the water was wonderful, and Fati and I laughed so hard I almost cried.  I’ve had too much fun with my sister over the past three weeks.  It’ll stink when I can’t see her and act goony with her everyday when I go back home.

Abbu came home early from work and we went to the Bahia plaza to watch the match against Chile.  Brazil won, 3-0!  How exciting.  I think their next game is on Friday?

At night we made pizza at home.  One of the ladies at the masjid makes really good dough, so ammi and abbu brought it home and put in the freezer.  We pulled it out and made our own pizza margherita and another pizza with shrimp and bell peppers.  Do I really need to tell you it was yummy?? It was so thin and crisp!  Absolutely perfect.  My little bambino enjoyed every single bite of it.

Tuesday–Wow–the weather stunk.  It rained a lot, so we were stuck inside.  We tried to make the most of it by inviting over one of the local masjid girls.  We entertained her with some fresh pakoray, and she helped us out by calling some people on the phone that only understand Portuguese.  I think it was fair exchange of services–food for favors

Wednesday–Our last day in Brazil.  Fati and I are leaving tomorrow early morning–cue the water works.  Even the weather was depressing–it rained all day.  We stayed in, again, and after packing up our stuff we sat on the couch and watched a movie.  At night after abbu came home, we made one last trip out to the stores to pick up a few last minute requested items:  Vuvuzelas!

It’s been good kids–real good.  My trip to spend time with my parents was, alhumdu’lillah, a wonderful, fun, fulfilling, success.  I enjoyed every single moment of my time spent with them, and I’m trying to my best to focus on that as I’m leaving them tomorrow.  Insha’Allah I’ll see them again, soon.  And insha’Allah when we get to spend time together again, it’ll be just as fun, if not more.

So imagine my delight when I was asked to come visit them for 2 1/2 weeks in Brazil!  The excitement was primarily to spend time with them and secondly to get to see Brazil.  The past 8 days have been a blast.

Saturday– We arrived at the airport a little past fajr and quickly collected all our luggage.  We breezed through customs, which was a small miracle considering 2 out of 4 suitcases were packed with food items and other assorted things for ammi. When we got home, I finally got to see their house.  It’s so nice!  I had only seen it in pictures, or had random glimpses of it through ammi and abbu’s webcam.  The real deal is awesome.  It’s just the right size for my parents and any guests they need to accommodate. It has a pool and really pretty flowering trees.  And the best part–all the bathrooms have power lotas

I took a nap on the couch when I first got home–that was one thing I missed doing at my parents’ house.  It was very satisfying. I  woke up to the smell of fresh rotis and chicken ka sahlun–man oh man, I was soo excited to eat ammi’s kaana!  It is something that I missed so so much.  It hit the spot and was perfect.  Pretty much everything ammi has made has been awesome and hit the spot The rest of the afternoon kinda drifted away and then we went to the masjid.

I’d been hearing about the masjid and all the people who go there for quite some time.  It was nice to finally see this small building where Muslims gather to remember Allah.  Talk about… weird:  when we got there they were having a halaqa.  Seems like a pretty standard activity at a masjid.  I sat down and then realized how strange it all was–the halaqa was in Portugese!  Okay, okay, I get it… obviously it’s going to be in Portuguese if we’re in Brazil, but it was so weird to hear people talking about Allah, Rasulullah, the Qur’an and Islam in a completely foreign language!  Islam really is everywhere, and it touches everyone wherever they may be

We stayed for kaana and then on the way back we dropped off a girl at her friend’s house.  We stopped for ice cream at a place called Gelaguela and I ordered the flavor flocos which is chocolate chip.

Sunday– Ammi and abbu had invited the local masjid girls over for lunch and dinner.  They all trickled in slowly after 11AM. Ammi made chicken salad sandwiches and soup, I made roasted potatoes.  I think I went a little overboard with the salt, but they all seemed to like it.  Apparently in Brazil people like their sweets SWEET and their salty foods SALTY!  Anyway, at night we ate pilau, shami kabob, karahi chicken, and bangun raita.  I stuck myself in the kitchen for some of the evening because I just cannot speak or understand Portugese, and to be quite honest–I don’t want to learn.  I know this is a very American thing to say, but what’s the point?  I’ll suck at it, and no one is going to understand me anyway.  I’ll stick to my English, Urdu and broke French, thanks yous very much!

Monday–This was a pretty relaxing day.  I woke up, ate a parata, and went swimming!!  Ammi and abbu’s pool is awesome.  It’s 5 feet deep throughout the whole length, so there’s no fear of “the deep end.”  I managed to remember how to swim pretty quickly and have been having fun in the pool since then.  Sometimes when I’m soaking up the sun outside I randomly exclaim, VACATION!  I told Fati that this is what I’ll remember when my students are giving me a hard time in the fall:  blue skys, green palm trees, chirping birdies, mama sitting poolside, and me in the pool.  I think that’s a pretty good stress relieving scene to remember?

The rest of my day I spent either lougning around on the couch, or just helping ammi out here and there in the kitchen.  I think we had left overs for kaana so as a treat we hit up this dessert place called Vanilla that is close by.  Uhh… I thought only Americans serve obscenely huge proportions.  I guess I was wrong!  We ordered three different slices, and it took the four of us two days to finish all of it.  Once slice was chocolate with strawberry cake, the second slice was croquante which is like chocolate, caramel and nuts, and third slice was some lemon pie.  It was all very very yummy!

Tuesday–Another day in the pool and lounging around the house.  Abbu got a half day off at work because it was Brazil’s big debut in the World Cup.  He came home and he and Fati went to a local place to watch the game.  I stayed home on account of being too tired, but I still managed to follow along the game.  How did I manage to do that without a TV?  The entire city ERUPTED with cheers anytime Brazil scored a goal.  So with the way things sounded I knew that Brazil had scored twice–and I was right

At night we went to eat kaana at a local pizzeria called Celeiro.  They make thin crust pizza in a wood-burning oven.  It’s ready in like 5 minutes because the oven is so hott and the crust is so thin!  It was yummy.  We ordered a pizza margherita and devoured the entire thing.

Wednesday–Another day in the pool and lounging around the house.  If this is beginning to sound repetitive, trust me it isn’t boring at all.  This is what I came to Brazil to do:  hang out at my parent house, be a bum, go swimming and get a tan.  All the excitment I need in a day can be found in going to the grocery store at night.  It was a giant mega mart called… Atakado.   I have no idea what that means, but it was enormous and they sold everything you could think of.  It smelled a little funky here and there, especially by the fish area, but otherwise it was an interesting place.  A lot of the other shoppers were staring at me, ammi and Fati like we were from a different planet–planet Islam where modesty is important.  I think for the locals to see a woman with all her skin and *gasp* her hair covered it doesn’t equal oppression and terrorism, it is equals, “WHAT ARE YOU????”

Thursday–We called over one of the local masjid girls, Mona, to join us for lunch and dinner.  She came just as we were done swimming, so we ate lunch.  Fati made Tuna salad sandwiches and we enjoyed them with local Doritos.  They are really good!  They actually taste like a real corn chip with actual cheese on it!  At night I made Chinese food for her.  On Sunday when she first came over, she sounded very surprised to hear that ammi knew how to make Chinese food.  So I thought it’d be nice to make some for her–fried rice, chicken lo mein, and sweet and sour shrimp.  It all turned out yummy.

Friday–I was CRANKY when I woke up.  The nights were getting way too restless.  Between having to turn over constantly because I couldn’t get comfortable, or having to get up to to go the bathroom, and being eaten alive by mosquitos, I was getting hardly any sleep.  By the time it was Friday I was at my wits’ end.  I just wanted to sleep, soundly, through the night, and wake up without a million new bits all over me, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

We went to the masjid for jumuah, which was exciting and anti climatic.  Exciting because, hey, it’s jumuah!  Anti-climatic because the khutbah was in Portuguese, and might I add REALLY long.  I think I dozed off a few times.  Woops, forgot to ask Sh. Yaser about that in Divine Link, “Ya Shaykh, if the khutbah/khateeb is extremely boring, and I doze off, or rather blink for 20 seconds at a time, does that invalidate my salah??” It’s a valid question to ask especially when a khutbah is hard to find.

Friday night we went out to eat at  a place called Ki Mukayka.  They specialize in Bahiana food which is a mix of local fare and western African cuisine.  I think I went on a seafood overdose, and have banned all seafood from my diet until further notice.  It’s a little unreasonable considering if we go out the only thing we can order is seafood, but I guess that just means I have to stick to vegetarian options.

Saturday–The old brother in law showed up in the afternoon, finally.  I say finally because the poor guy was the victim of flight delays, cancellations, and missings altogether.  Of course with that combination up his sleeve, he had no luggage when he did arrive, 12 hours after his original time of arrival.  Poor guy.  I feel bad for him.

Hopefully ammi’s food made him feel better.  She had made Biryani that night and for some reason it was extra dee-lee-shush!  It hit the spot, and to be honest, the past few times I’ve had biryani, it’s been a little off, or I just haven’t enjoyed it much.  The last time my mom made biryani was the day before she left back to Brazil back in April–I was busy barfing my brains out with a stomach bug so I didn’t eat any then.  I’m glad I had to wait until now, because I enjoyed it that much more

Sunday– Yesterday we had a big Brazilian day out.  We all woke up, put on some shade of green and yellow and headed out to the Bahia Plaza.  We ate lunch at their buffet, and I got to eat Spaghetti… A+!  Then ammi and I went for a walk on the beach, and it was awesome… there was no one there!  Apparently this is a blessing because most of the locals don’t wear much when they do go to the beach.  Anyway we came back to the hotel and watched the Brazil game with complementary popcorn.

Dude, futbol players are a bunch of pansies!  Call me American, but I think the name foot fairy really suits them.  Talk about DRAMA.  If a player eve got touched at all, he was doing back flips, and pounding on the ground, “in pain,”  crying his eyes out.  Waaa Waaa Waaaa, giant babies!  Get a life.

After we came home from watching the game, we all headed out to a local grocery store and picked up some produce and then came home to enjoy a nice giant pot of nihari… wow, Ammi is really killing these dishes… or maybe I’ve just been so deprived of my mother’s cooking that EVERYTHING tastes amazing.  It’s a scarcity thing?

Yesterday Saqib and I went to an ultrasound to have a structural survey done of our child.  The ultrasound technician basically gave us a tour of our baby.  Alhumdu’lillah everything is in right on track, in place, functioning, and looking good.  I couldn’t have been more happy.

A funny feeling came over me when I was watching the screen and seeing all these different parts of my baby.  All I could think of was how it would use these things for good–to be a Muslim.

• We saw two eyes, that I hoped it would use to read Qur’an.
• We saw a nose, that I hoped it wouldn’t stick in the air.
• We saw a mouth, that was opening and closing drinking fluid; but I hoped one day it would use its mouth to make dhikr and speak good things.
• We saw two hands attached to two arms, that I wanted to see my child use to say takbir and pray.
• We saw a spinal chord, that I hoped my baby would use to be steadfast, upright and confident in its belief.
• We saw two little feet, that I hoped my baby would use to stand up straight in salah.
• We saw a stomach, that will one day be empty while our child is fasting.
• And finally we saw a heart, that I hope will be overflowing with imaan and a love for Allah.

May Allah, al-Khaliq, make it possible for our child, and all of us, to use the bodies that He has created to worship Him alone and to come closer to Him.

I’ve completed 15 of the 40 weeks.  Alhumdu’lillah everything is going well.  I haven’t had many problems at all.  I’ve thrown up on two occasions, and I don’t really think the baby was to blame.

The hardest part for me has been my really poor sleep during the night.  During the day I get pretty exhausted from being on my feet at work all day.  When I come home in the afternoon I usually try to take a nap but all I can think of is all the things I have to get done in the mean time.  Then at night I can’t seem to get comfortable, or my body is just… awake. 

It’s a really weird feeling.  I can’t feel the baby moving just yet (even though apparently it’s conducting aerobics classes daily) but when I can feel is *something*.  There is definitely something going on in there.  Like a factory is on, and there are wheels turning and churning and things coming off an assembly line.  It’s really bizarre.  I don’t know how some women can go months without knowing their expecting.  There is just too much activity going on inside me for it to be anything else… may be a large tape worm?

Plus my appetite has changed, significantly.  I’m usually a fan of spicy food, but in the past few months I’ve lost all interest in eating anything overly spicy.  All I want is bland or sweet.  It’s the sweetness that weirds me out, because a lot of foods I would once never consider eating are turning into favorites.  For example, I was never a big fan of sweet and sour Asian food, but these days I’ll order anything that sweet or comes with plum sauce… very bizzare.

I’ve had more food aversions than any cravings–I think this is pretty common.  It’s just wierd because I’ve turned away from foods that I love.  Things that are overly cheesy don’t look so good to me anymore.  I don’t like eating guacamole that much either.  There was a brief period of time when I didn’t want to drink Coke… that didn’t last very long

Out of everything that’s going on and changing, I think the most exciting is that I got to hear the heart beat at a few appointments.  The first time I heard it I think it sounded like a washing machine, just a lot of quick swoosh swoosh sounds.  Since then whenever my doctor has to spend more than 5 seconds finding it, I get a little tense waiting for that little heart beat.  I don’t ever want it to disappear or stop beating… at least not in my lifetime.  Alhumdu’lillah every time Saqib and I do hear it the doctor says everything sounds good and is normal

I’ll try my best to keep the updates coming, but until then, keep my husband, me and our little bump in your du’as!

After eating her chips, the daughter wanted more.  The mom said no, but the daughter threw a fit.  So the mom caved in and gave her daughter some more chips, again saying that this time was the last.  Of course, the same thing happened at least two more times.  After the third time, the mom finally decided to tell her daughter there weren’t anymore chips… she lied!

Well, after eating her chips, the daughter wanted more.  So she started crying for it, again.  The mom kept telling her the same old lie:  there weren’t anymore chips.  But she finally realized her daughter didn’t believe her, so she turned to me and said, “Can you give her some more chips?”

I was a little annoyed.  Didn’t she just tell her daughter the chips were done?  I actually mentioned that to her, “You told her there weren’t anymore…?”  The mom said, “Yea I know, but she wants it now.”

Wow, way to lie to your kid.

When the mom lied, it didn’t even accomplish anything.  In the end, after the mom lied, the daughter didn’t believe her, and the mom ended up giving the daughter what she wanted, thus proving to the daughter that she was lying to her.  Now the daughter is going to have this idea in her head that if mommy says there is no more, it probably is a lie, and if she cries for it enough, what she wants will magically reappear.

It doesn’t matter how many tantrums your kids are throwing, parents should find an honest way to discipline their kids.  For example in this situation the mom could’ve said, “There aren’t anymore FOR YOU to eat .  You’ve already had your fair share.”  Simple.  That’s not lying.  Saying this does two things 1) she avoids telling a lie and 2) the kid learns the idea of eating his/her own share of the food and leaving the rest for others.

Also, I know sometimes we think that rules about lying can be bent on kids, but the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam mentioned on multiple occasions that it is wrong to lie specifically to kids.

Lying is improper whether in earnest or in jest. (All lying is unacceptable) even if anyone of you promises his child something and does not fulfill his promise. (Al-Bukahri in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Abu Dawud)

This hadith shows how repugnant lying is viewed in Islam. Most people do not find anything wrong with not fulfilling a certain promise given to a young child. The child is bound to forget or can be easily appeased with something else. But deliberate unfulfillment of a promise given to a child is unacceptable. In order to emphasize this last point, let me quote this report by `Abdullah ibn `Amir, a young Companion of the Prophet. He said,

My mother called me one day when Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) was in our house. She said, “Come and I will give you something.” Allah’s Messenger asked her, “What do you intend to give him?” She said, “I want to give him dates.” The Prophet said, “If you were not to give him something, your statement would be recorded against you as a lie.”

From islamonline.net

If there are specific prohibitions about lying to kids, it shows how much more careful we need to be about it.

Parents, please don’t lie to your kids.  They’re just like everyone else and deserve the truth.

Are there any parents out there that have any advise on how to avoid lying to your kids?  Or how being honest has helped you in parenting?

Wednesday morning Saqib dropped me off at the Metra station in downtown Lisle and I took a train to Union Station downtown to get on another Amtrak train to Ann Arbor.  I was a little nervous about using “so many” trains to get to my destination, because public transportation makes me nervous.  The schedules, tracks, fees, and employees are generally confusing or not very helpful.  But alhumdu’lillah, I made to Ann Arbor in one piece, to be picked up by my bhabi.

Wow, what a driver.  Hunno really knows how to make good time.  She picked me up right when I stepped off the train, and we were off to the grocery store before I knew it.  We had to pick up a few items for ammi who was waiting for me back at home.  Hunno, who wanted to make good time, managed to pick me up, stop at the store and get me home all within one hour.  Impressive, wouldn’t you say?

Once I got there the three of us shared a pizza and hung out in the kitchen.  Slowly it turned into nap time and I got to make myself at home in my mommy’s bed.  I was OUT cold so fast I didn’t even know what was happening.  Ammi woke me up about 2 hours later, Hunno was gone, and Fati and abbu were home.  Yaaay, Fati!!!

We ata kaana together and then just wasted time in the basement.  Ah, the good old days.  Fati doing fat-kwon-do, watching Scrubs, and me not doing anything.  Here and there I helped ammi clean up the basement and pack up some presents for a party she was having on Friday night.  The evening ended with me making magic bars for Fati, which were, unfortunately, another batch of tragic bars.  They turned out to be too too sweet and kinda mushy.  The ones I made for Osman on Monday were much better in my opinion.

Thursday morning I got to work with Hunno cleaning up our house, vacuuming and dusting.  Once we finished up all of that, we headed to the mall to do some last minute shopping for a party I was going to on Saturday night.  This party was the main purpose of my trip to MI.  One of my oldest and bestest friends is getting married this summer.  So on Friday night my parents threw her parents a pre-congratulatory party, and on Saturday night two of our friends threw her a bridal shower.  All very fun, but more on that later.

The mall was fun, just ‘cuz it was Hunno + Ayesha + shopping… hilarity ensues.  Why can’t we act like normal people when we’re together?  I don’t know.  We ran into one of my friends at the mall.  She was with her older sister.  Big sis nudged little sis to tell me something important… and she did.  My friend is expecting!!!  This is extremely exciting because she’s the first of my 6 OG friends that is having a baby!  May Allah make these months easy for her, and bless her with a righteous, pious, healthy baby.   I guess we’re coming out of that phase where we’re all getting married, and now entering the realm of parenthood.  Yowza!

Back at home I took a nap, woke up, and met up with some other old-school friends, who are literally old… school… friends.  I met Karen and Bonnie at Guernsey’s for some good old fashioned ice cream.  I love Guernsey’s because it will never change.  It always smells like fried chicken, it’s always employed with high schoolers from Novi and Northville, and it’s always packed with bushy haired old people.  I had so much fun with Karen, yucking it up about the good old days, and catching up on the recent days.  It’s so nice to have a friend you can revisit and pick up right where you left off.

When I got home I ate kaana with my parents.  Then I got to work on making dessert for my parents’ party on Friday night.  I had to make it the night before because it requires some quality time in the freezer.  I took vanilla ice cream, peanut butter and cool whip and mixed them together.  I poured it into a prepared graham cracker crust and let it freeze.  The next day I added cool whip and crushed snickers, and voila… peanut butter ice cream pie. It’s so easy and it’s sooooo good.  Try it out sometime

Friday morning I woke up and took my dad to see the doctor.  He had to get an out-patient treatment done to his foot.  Poor abba seems to have a tough time with his feet.  May Allah make his pain an expiation for any punishment in the next life, ameen.

When we got home I passed out in bed and emerged from my room at 11:00AM.  I got to work with ammi and Hunno in the kitchen, who were busy trying to make a pasta dish, and trying to keep three separate recipes straight.  I chopped up some salad and also cleaned the bathrooms… not at the same time, thank God

After eating a lunch of jam-bread and left over pasta, Hunno and I set out to run some more errands with a bad case of the giggles.  We had to drop off donation clothes, pick up some kaana, and get the oil changed in Hunno’s car.  I was convinced that with Hunno’s good timing, we could be home in 20 minutes.  Unfortunately, the drive to Canton took up most of our time.  We still made it home in time for her to take a nap before ammi and abbu’s party.

Which, speaking of, was awesome!  It was all of ammi’s closest friends and some of my favorite aunties.  I miss them so much when I’m in Illinois.  Every time I go to a dawath, or a wedding, I miss seeing their caring and smiling faces.  I guess it’ll take some time before the aunties here know me as well as the ones in MI do.  Most of them have known me since I was born, so I’m guessing in about… 23 more years we’ll be able to compare the new aunties to the old ones.  But, who knows?

Saturday I spent the morning at home, but then in the afternoon went to Dearborn to get my haircut with two of my friends.  It’s always so much fun with Allu pea and Shoaa   Especially if Heba is there to be bugged and picked on   They’re my favorite girls.

Shoaa dropped me off back at home and then I got ready to go to Ayesha’s bridal shower… which was even more awesome than the party on Friday night.  All 6 of my OG friends in one place, at one time.  This hasn’t happened since… I don’t remember the last time, honestly.  Ayesha, Humaira, Zaiba, Aliyah, Lubna and Shoaa, all excited and happy for Ayesha’s wedding, and all having a good time.  We were acting so goofy together and having so much fun.  I felt like I was 17 again or something.  Nothing can beat an evening with all of your oldest and closest friends.

I got home pretty late on Saturday and woke up early on Sunday to eat breakfast with Lubna.  She came over and I made pancakes, omelettes/scrambled eggs, and hash browns.  Conversation with Griswaldi is always too much fun.  I think my family loves her just as much as I do.  My parents appreciate her punjabiness, and Fati appreciates her humor and intelligence, and I appreciate all of it!

After she left, Fati and I packed up and shipped out to Illinois.  She’ll be here until Wednesday.  We drove straight to Osman’s and stayed for dinner.  Hunno had made a whole middle-eastern spread of food.  Shawarmas, fatoush, hummous, garlic sauce, tahini sauce, and the regular sides: wings and fries.  All so good, too many choices!  I stuck with a lamb shawarma and two wings.  I was full when I left early because the weather was horrendous last night.  Thirty-two degrees, just the right temperature for a wintery-mix of snow and rain.  It took us a full hour to get home, and the car slid twice just on Leask lane, yikes!

And thus ended my Spring break… with a snow storm.  So typical!

 Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.” (2:286)

Well apparently, it ain’t no thang.