Nikaḥ kitāba, otherwise known as “celibate marriage,” has become an increasingly common and preferred way of marriage for many young Muslim couples. A young man and woman may find themselves wanting to marry one another, but at the time are unable to live together. So instead of being engaged for long periods of time and making things difficult for the two, they choose to wed by nikaḥ kitāba.

This practice is actually a tradition of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, who married Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, and delayed consummation until she was older.

After over 18 months of being married by nikaḥ kitāba, today marks the day my husband and I will be having our “ruksathi” wedding party after which will begin to live our lives together forever, inshaAllah. After a wonderful year and a half of a beautiful relationship Allah blessed us with, we came up with what we feel is an essential survival guide for couples undergoing the same journey we just completed. If you are married by nikāḥ kitāba or will be in the future, then this list is for you.

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It’s been nine whole years since I started wearing hijab.  In 1999, just like today, it was Friday the 13th of June.  It was the day after 8th grade finished and the first day of summer.  I threw on that hijab with determination never to stop.

But what brought me to wearing it?  What was my epiphany that forced me to rethink my values and take a step towards Allah?  What was my story?

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I always liked Lord of the Rings for one of its extremely valuable underlying themes– even the tiniest of people can make a difference in the world.

In this past year of teaching, I’ve found this to be very true.   The little kiddies of the elementary school not only can make a difference in the world, but they can teach you a multitude of things.

For example, at the start of the year I did not have memorized a du’aa for reciting in the morning and a du’aa for reciting just after prayer and prior to making dhikr.  But now after teaching, I can proudly say that I do know these two new du’aas.  And who were my teachers?  Why the hobbits in my life– the elementary school kids!

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I’m another week closer to my wedding, and I just finished up having my first pre-wedding party.  On Saturday my mom invited her closest friends over to the house to listen to a short talk (dars) on the etiquettes of dealing with in-laws and other new relationships post-marriage.  It was a lot of fun to have everyone come over and get into the wedding mood.  If I wasn’t sure I was getting married in just a few weeks before the party, I definitely know it now after the party.

This is primarily because everyone and their mother kept referring to me as the dulhan (bride).  They kept asking me if the dulhan was excited, or if the dulhan was nervous, or if the dulhan was prepared for leaving, or if the dulhan was happy, etc.  After a while it became kind of… annoying.  First of all, it’s weird to ask me questions in the third person.  Second of all, I don’t like being called the dulhan!

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Ever since it became an “option” in middle school, all the way through my collegiate years, cheating has made me sick to my stomach.  I *hate* cheating.  I think it is a sorry and pathetic habit to have and hide.  I’ve always felt it was better to fail with honor than pass by cheating

I have a few students, unfortunatley, that are cheating right under my nose and I can’t catch them so they keep slipping by.  Sometimes when I grade their papers I want to pull out my hair and start screaming because I’ll see all the wrong work and then the right answer amidst a mess of numbers.  The work is not leading to this correct answer, so I have to wonder HOW DID YOU GET IT?? 

This is coming from the same students that turn in their homework right on top of the “smart” friend’s homework and it looks almost IDENTICAL to their friend’s.  I mean line-for-line, mistake-for-mistake, the EXACT same!! 

I’ve threatened to fail them, I’ve tried to emphasize the honor system, I’ve even tried the fear of God, but NOTHING is getting through to them.  Cheating is an addiction that is too hard to let go off. 

Yuck, ickh, gross.  Cheating is a shame for all students!  Bleckh!

I always have hated cheating, and I always will.