The 1st quarter of school ended about one week ago.  And as you may have guessed it, with that time came a flood of students with a sudden concern for their grades.  These are the students who don’t do any real work all quarter, float through class without a care in the world, never ask questions, participate, or show any genuine interest.  Imagine my surprise when now I find them checking up on grades, and asking for assignments back to see how many points they had earned.

I was happy to see they were enthusiastic about improving, but at the same time very disheartened that they would wait ’til the last moment to show such enthusiasm.  Because really, how much could any student possibly improve a bad grade a week before the quarter ends?

The culminating moment of desperation came on the morning of the last Friday of the quarter.  A student approached me after I had finished teaching a new lesson asking me what in the world she could possibly do to improve her grade.  She absolutely couldn’t take home a D to her parents.  She said she would do anything:  extra credit, assignments, projects, retakes, redos, etc.  I just looked her like, “Are you kidding?”

I picked up a pile of homework that had been turned in that morning and quickly glanced through the papers.  Hers wasn’t in there.  So I asked her, “Did you do your homework?” (more…)

During a recent staff meeting at work, an important issue came up.  More and more girls were not adhering to the dress code by rolling up sleeves, unbuttoning buttons, unpinning hijabs, and wearing makeup.  Us teachers were asked to put our heads together and figure out a way to make all these girls stop breaking the rules.  One or more teachers suggested calling parents and reminding them of the contract they signed at the start of the year, while other teachers thought it would be best to use their class-mates against them, and have their peers remind them not to break the dress code.

As this discussion went on, one of the male staff members raised his hand quietly and simply asked, “Why can’t they wear makeup?”  Immediately an administrator answered it was the school policy.  But he asked again, “But why not?” There was silence.  I thought to myself, What do you mean why not? They shouldn’t wear makeup.  The administrator explained to him all the Islamic values the school was trying to preserve while enforcing the dress code– modesty, not being shallow and vain or competitive, etc.  He then responded with, “Do they know that’s why?  Or do we just tell them, ‘You can’t wear makeup!’?”

Since that time in the staff meeting, the wheels in my head have been turning.  In our school, do we ever explain to the students the reasons for our rules?  Or do we just enforce them and tell them they have to do it?  Do we label our rules as school rules?  Or do we say they are Islamic rules?

I’ve noticed over the course of 9 weeks that the students treat our rules as school rules.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Our rules about cheating, lying, stealing, swearing, dress code, etc, are only restrictions placed on them between 8:30 and 3:30 between our four walls.  So when the bell rings, and school is out… so are the rules.

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The administration asked teachers to make themselves more availible to the students who need help, so we have to keep office hours once a week.  Every Wednesday I stay after school for one hour to tutor my students.  This is now the 5th week of school, and since then, I have only seen 2 students ask me for help.  It’s interesting, because these students probably don’t really need that much help, but they just want to ask.  And because they come to my office hours and show me they’re concerned with mastering their skills, I’ve grown to love them more over my other students.

Meanwhile, the masses are still not coming.  And I’m becoming more and more frustrated with them.  Why?  Because they all need my help.  They’re failing quizzes and tests and getting really low scores on the homework that they hardly turn in.  I know they care about their grades, because when I pass back graded assignments, they’re all really upset.  But they don’t do anything about it.  I have repeatedly told them about my office hours, and that I’m availible to meet them on other days too, before, during or after school.  And yet, no one takes me up on this offer.  So, like I said, I’m starting to become frustrated with them because they won’t help themselves by asking for help.

I was thinking, the other day, of the stupidity of the whole situation.  Here I have students in dire need of help, and I’ve made myself availible to them, and they’re not coming or asking.  And then I thought… this sounds familiar.

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I remember back in the early 2000s, when I was still in high school, I got an invitation in the mail from a sister in my community.  I knew her birthday wasn’t for a few months, and that she wasn’t graduating, or getting married.  So I was confused about what the invitation was for.  As I opened it and read through, my eyebrow started to go up.  It seemed she was having a party because she had decided to start wearing hijab full-time.  For hijab??–that’s strange, I thought, putting the invitation down and moving along.

That was then, this is now.  Since that first invitation to a hijab party, I’ve seen these types of get togethers increase in their popularity.  Every year now I’ve been invited to small gatherings of sisters celebrating a milestone in their sister-in-Islam’s life: wearing hijab.  I’ve grown more and more accustom to the idea of these parties, so I’ve stopped raising my eyebrows at each invitation.  But last summer, my parents received an invitation to one of these parties, and that was when my eyebrows went back up again.

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Imagine yourself at a wedding.  You’ve just met with one of your oldest and closest friends and are exchanging salaams and “how do you do’s”.  Just then, you see your friends parent (opposite your gender) approach your circle.  Your friend says salaam, you say salaam, the uncle/aunty says salaam, and then they go in for the kill.

The next thing you know, the uncle or aunty is reaching in for a hug, a pat on the head, or even a kiss on the forehead.  You’re feeling awkward and extremely uncomfortable.  But you don’t know what to do! This aunty or uncle has known you since you were in diapers.  You feel like he or she could double as your own parents.  But the fact of the matter is that the person isn’t your actual parent, so if they’re touching you, it isn’t okay.

But then you think to yourself, “Yea… it’s wrong, but I don’t want to offend him or her.  I’m just like a baby to this person.  What’s the harm?  I can’t reject their love by not accepting this affectionate gesture.”

Or can you?

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