The countdown to my wedding is no longer being measured in weeks, but rather in days. I’ve got four more days until I’ll officially have “moved out” of my house. I’ll actually be leaving Michigan on Monday, but I suppose the rukhsati marks my departure from my house.
I can’t describe how sad I am to leave my home because there are too many things I love about it. But I think I can at least try to describe the many reasons I love my own room and why I will subsequently miss it.
It’s been nine whole years since I started wearing hijab. In 1999, just like today, it was Friday the 13th of June. It was the day after 8th grade finished and the first day of summer. I threw on that hijab with determination never to stop.
But what brought me to wearing it? What was my epiphany that forced me to rethink my values and take a step towards Allah? What was my story?
It all started with a horse– Sandy.
What felt like almost everyday, ammi and I would go to Meijer when I was a little kid. And whenever she would pay for groceries, she would quickly plop me down on the pony, drop in a penny, and let me have a “wild ride”. Despite the fact that this pony only went back forth at a rate of 1/2 a mile per hour, I thought it was unbelievably fun.
I always liked Lord of the Rings for one of its extremely valuable underlying themes– even the tiniest of people can make a difference in the world.
In this past year of teaching, I’ve found this to be very true. The little kiddies of the elementary school not only can make a difference in the world, but they can teach you a multitude of things.
For example, at the start of the year I did not have memorized a du’aa for reciting in the morning and a du’aa for reciting just after prayer and prior to making dhikr. But now after teaching, I can proudly say that I do know these two new du’aas. And who were my teachers? Why the hobbits in my life– the elementary school kids!
It’s the end of the school year and I’m in shock.
There were moments I felt like I had been teaching for decades and the school year would never come to an end. But now I feel like I’ve hardly spent anytime with my students and now the end is approaching at lightning speed.
Where did the time go and how did I spend it? I’m really worried that I didn’t teach my students properly, that I’ve jipped them of a proper education. What if my Algebra students go on to the next class and still can’t factor properly? What if my Biology students don’t remember how the heart pumps blood because I didn’t teach it clearly enough? What if my 4th graders can’t remember how to convert between mixed numbers and mixed fractions?
I’m worried I didn’t do a good job with them and that I haven’t left enough of an impact on them. Sure they tell me I’m their favorite teacher now, but what about next year? Will they forget Sr. Ayesha and start to adore whichever teacher is chewing their ears off 5 days a week then? I know it’s a stupid concern to have, but I don’t want my students to forget me and the things I’ve taught them.
