New Love, New Fears, New Hopes

by Ayesha Posted on October 9, 2010

I’m officially a mom!  Alhumdulillah alla kulli haal.

I delivered a baby boy on Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 at 12:23AM.  He was 6lbs 11oz, and 19 inches long.  We named him Abdullah Yusuf Shafi, and he is the most beautiful person I’ve come to know in my life :)

A lot of people have been asking, “So, how does it feel to be a parent??”  I’d sum it up with one word:  uncontrollable.  Never in my life have I felt so much that Allah controls everything, and I have absolutely no control.  For one, I can’t control the love that I have for my son.  If you think about it, I’ve hardly known the kid for 12 days, yet he is the single most important person in my life now.  All I want is what’s best for him, and I’m not sure why.  It perplexes me that I love him so much, but I don’t even know him, and I have no “real” relationship with him.  As one person said it best, “If weren’t for the mercy of Allah placed in the heart of a parent, their children would be the number one people that they hate.”  Honestly, I couldn’t agree more.  The love and connection I have to my son is one that I couldn’t even dream of building myself–it is completely from Allah.

Not only are my emotions and feelings uncontrollable, but what happens to my son is uncontrollable.  I have come to realize that no matter how much I want things to be one way for my son, only Allah can control what the reality is.  This is most evident in the fact that Abdullah has a large hole in his heart (VSD).  He’ll be needing surgery in the next few weeks (du’as requested, please!).  Alhumdu’lillah he has a great cardiologist and surgeon lined up to work on him, but still I know that ultimately what happens to my son is not controlled by the doctors, but rather Allah.

Whew, talk about a lot of feelings to sort through!  New love, new fears, and new hopes.  May Allah make this new relationship that I have with my son, one that helps us both attain jannah, ameen!

Posted in Family | 3 Comments

Ramadan Mubarak

by Ayesha Posted on August 16, 2010

It’ s a bit of a delayed reaction to the new moon sighting, but Ramadan Mubarak to you and yours!

I think I may be having a delayed reaction to Ramadan because it seemed to come up and out of nowhere so quickly!  The summer has been going by, full steam ahead, and then… wouldn’t you know it, Ramadan was here!

Saqib started fasting on Wednesday, so Tuesday night we headed to the local masjid to pray tarawih.  We just moved into our own apartment (another reason I hardly noticed Ramadan was coming up–I’ve been busy setting up this place) and it is about 5 minutes away from the masjid.  It was real nice not having to rush out the door to make it on time for prayer.  The hall was jam packed with people.  And with the 90 degree weather, it was almost unbearable in there.  That’s why I haven’t been to tarawih since Wednesday night.  Me and my 33 week baby just can’t take the heat.  I figure it’s better to pray at home, anyway.  I get some more time with the Q, and I can take my time with my salah.

So as someone who hasn’t been going to tarawih, I’m a little behind on my Ramadan-Mubarak-ing.

Oh!  and I haven’t been fasting. I feel like that makes me twice removed from Ramadan (not nightly prayer, no daily fasting)   I tried on Saturday, and it wasn’t so bad.  Insha’Allah I plan on fasting on the weekends.  Most people have told me to not to fast more than one day at a time.  I figured the weekdays would be tough with school and work starting up, so Saturday was the best choice.  I’d fast Sundays, too, but like I said, I don’t want to push myself and fast two days in a row.  I’m not sure how much me and the little one can handle, and I’m not sure I want to find out!

Anyway, for those of you who are fasting and going to the masjid every night, I hope you reap the benefits of your ibadah, and that Allah accepts all that you do this month!

Posted in Ramadan | 1 Comment

Dear Aunty…

by Ayesha Posted on August 16, 2010

A few weekends back, I was at a wedding where I got to meet up with some old college friends.  I was excited to see them and catch up on what was going on in their lives.  It seems one of them has had a pretty interesting past few months moving out to the Big Apple and working on something that she is really passionate about.

We got to talking about all of that, and somehow the conversation took a turn for the bad.  She got really upset (teary eyed!) as she explained to me her frustrations with… aunties.  It seems that since she graduated and started working, every time an aunty asks her what she is doing in life, they didn’t really care about what they asked, they just wanted to know when she is planning on getting married.  Which I guess isn’t such a big deal, because my friend does in fact want to get married one day, as soon as the right person is presented to her–but that isn’t what the aunties asked her about.  They asked her about what she is currently doing in life, so she happily tells them.   They, meanwhile, are trying to redirect the conversation towards what they find to be a more important subject… why aren’t you married yet? Continue reading →

Posted in My 2 Cents | 3 Comments

Brazil, pt 2

by Ayesha Posted on June 30, 2010

Where did I leave off? Ah, yes–last Monday.

Monday– One of abbu’s subordinates at work is moving to Brazil and was in town checking the area out to find a place to live.  Abbu, being his boss, graciously invited him over for lunch and a basic FAQ session.  So this guy showed up around noon with his wife… did I mention they’re South Indian, ??  Wery antarasting, indeed. Continue reading →

Posted in Family | 2 Comments

Brazil, pt 1

by Ayesha Posted on June 21, 2010

Sometime early last year my dad’s job relocated him to Brazil.  It was a stinking tragedy to have him move away from all of us, and then to have my mommy leave, too.  Since then my chances to hang out with them at any length have been few and far between.  And usually when I did get a chance to see them it was always for a special circumstance–wedding, baby, funeral, etc; so for the most part they were always preoccupied.  Our parental-baby time was usually pretty short.

So imagine my delight when I was asked to come visit them for 2 1/2 weeks in Brazil!  The excitement was primarily to spend time with them and secondly to get to see Brazil.  The past 8 days have been a blast. Continue reading →

Posted in Family | 3 Comments