I’ve sat down on numerous occasions and opened my wordpress and started typing out long stories about Hajj, but I can never finish.  Just now I started three separate posts about the lack of luxuries, going to Arafah, and Muzdalifah being my favorite part.  But each post ended with me pressing ctrl+A and then delete. I just can’t find the words to share my experiences with everyone.

Everytime I think about Hajj I just get sad.  Sad that I’m home again.  Sad that I don’t have the opportunities I had while I was there.  Sad that I can’t see my group mates on a bus at 4:00am going to the masjid to catch Fajr.  Sad that I can’t stand in a sea of honking busses, engrossed in fumes and smog.  Sad that my feet aren’t aching from all the walking.  Sad that the adhan is not blasting all around me reminding me that salah is the most important part of my day. Sad, sad, sad. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s taken me some time to write about Hajj.  Sorry if any of you were waiting.  But I’m having a tough time thinking, talking or reflecting on Hajj because it makes me really sad to know that it’s done and gone.

So to start myself off, I thought I’d pick a funny story, to make myself laugh as I think back to Hajj.

On the 11th of Dhul Hijjah, Saqib and I set out from our tents in Mina to make Tawaf Ifadah and Sa’ee.  It took us almost one hour to walk out of Mina, one hour on a school bus to get to the Haram, one hour to find something to eat and pray dhuhr, and then finally start.  I was exhausted before tawaf had even started!

We were making our laps around on the top floor.  It was midday, the time between dhuhr and asr.  We had chosen the top floor because the first floor was packed “from the windows to the wall.”  There were people all the way from the edge of the Kaabah, out to the edges of the main floor.  We had originally tried to make tawaf on the second floor, because we’d be covered from the midday sun and plus because certain parts of the second floor are air conditioned.  But that was serving to be difficult because of all the pillars inside, bookshelves, wheel chairs, and taped off areas from construction.  With no other choice we went to the third floor.

I like the third floor of the Haram, especially at Fajr.  It’s a pretty peaceful place.  Most of the other floors are jam packed all the time, with a pretty chaotic crowd.  But there’s something about tawaf and prayer in the open air with sun and clouds above you that makes it more… peaceful.  It’s also generally more quiet up on the roof.  Typically the crowd consists of elderly Hajjis that are wheelchairs, so you’ll just hear the softest humm of their wheels, mixed with other people’s feet shuffling past you.  The only time it’s ever “loud” on the 3rd floor is when someone is in a wheelchair behind you and they want you to move out of the way.  They usually hiss at you…like a snake.  And you’re supposed to get the clue, and move to the side.  It’s kinda nice, because it doesn’t distract you too much as you make tawaf and are concentrating on making du’a and dhikr.

So imagine my surprise, while making tawaf on the third floor, I heard a Saudi guard yelling at everyone to “Shway-ya!”  I was focused on making du’a, and I looked up startled.  What was the big deal?  What was going on?  Why was everyone slowly shifting to the left?  Was there a wheelchair coming up behind us with someone really important?

Nope.  I looked around, trying to see what all the fuss was about, and then I saw it. Read the rest of this entry »

Alhumdu’lillah Saqib and I have recieved our passports and visas in our hands.  Our flight is leaving on Monday.  So this leaves us with just a few more days (4, I believe) to really get all our packing done.

This is difficult!  Lots of people have been giving us lots of advice–sometimes it is conflicting.  For example, I had an aunty tell me not to worry about shopping here, because as soon as I get to Mecca anything I need for the days of Hajj I can find there on my own.  Literally five minutes later, another aunty told me the exact opposite!  She said to make sure I buy and pack everything I want and need from here so that I don’t have to waste time looking through a gazillion shops in Mecca.

Packing for the days of Hajj is probably the most difficult part of all the packing itself.  I want to make sure I have everything that could possibly come in handy while I’m “roughing it” in Mina, but at the same not over burden myself with a ton of things I’ll have to carry around from Mina to Arafa to Muzdalifah. 

I’m also confused about what is the best thing to wear during the days of Hajj.  Initially I was told to wear skirts under my jilby’s so that going to a dirty bathroom would be less problematic.  But then I was informed of the dreaded chaffing… no details needed here.  Cotton pajama pants seem messy and kinda of shabby looking to me.  So yesterday I found myself at Sports Authority trying to find some pants that are made for intense physical activity.  I think I may have been swindled, but so be it. 

Packing for my body is one thing, packing for my heart is another.  I’m planning on taking Fortress of the Muslim and a pocket Qur’an.  A very sweet colleague of mine gave me a very very tiny janamaaz to pray on.  And another teacher gave me a tasbih, which I’ll probably use during Tawaf and Sa’i (it’s sunnah to make dhikr on the fingers, not on beads).  Is there anything else I should be taking?

Do any of you Hajj/Umrah veterans have any really good tips??  Please share!  I’ve got 4 days left to pack what you suggest

Insha’Allah my husband and I are planning on going for Hajj this year.  We’re leaving in a week from tomorrow (Nov. 16)   We decided back in July that we’d make the pilgrimmage this fall, and since then the we’ve slowly been trying to prepare.

One of the preparations people make before leaving for Hajj is to seek forgiveness from the people they may have wronged.  This isn’t necessarily an obligatory part of leaving for Hajj, but it’s one that those preparing to leave  like to take.  Hajj wasn’t always easy, and so when people would go, they left expecting the worst–death.  And if they were going to die, they wanted to tie up any loose strings–this included injustices done to others.

With that in mind, I’ve been apologizing to people for the past week or so.  It’s so… strange.  I don’t know how to start the conversation.  It’s kind of a random thing to mention to people.  My conversations usually go like this:

Me:  So… I’m leaving for Hajj.
Person:  Really? Wow!  Mubarak!  May Allah make it easy for you.
Me:  So… I wanted to apologize if I’ve ever done anything wrong to you, behind your back or to your face.  I’m really sorry…
Person:  (cutting me off) You?  Ayesha?  Please!  You’ve never done anything!
Me:  Er… are you sure?   I mean I could’ve said something behind your back that you wouldn’t have liked…
Person:  (cutting me off again) You?  Give me a break!  No way!  All is forgiven.

All of my conversations have gone this way.  I’ve yet to meet someone who has hesitated to think about the very real possibility that I’ve done something wrong to them.  And here’s the killer… a lot of the people I’m apologizing to, I’m doing this specifically because I know I DID do something wrong to them.  But I don’t know want to bring up past grievances, or throw a bad situation in their face, or bring to light something they didn’t know about.  That seems like it’d do more harm than good.

It’s actually really painful and embarassing to realize that the person I’m apologizing to has such a sweet idea of me in their head, and that they have no idea how mean or horrible I was to them when they weren’t around. It’s really starting to get to me.  I’m starting to feel like such a bad person.  I’m constantly thinking about all the times I’ve shared a “juicy” story (juicy because I was eating flesh, I imagine) or even listened in on one.  I’m having to track down people from middle school and high school to apologize to them.   It’s really a terrible trip down “memory” lane.

*sigh*  May Allah make it easy for the people to forgive me–even though I probably don’t deserve it

Ya Allah make my student caring and kind
Open his heart, and open his mind
Make her righteous, respectful and honest
And also pious, loving and modest

Make him appreciate the chance to come to school
And realize that knowledge is his greatest tool
To get what she wants in this life, and the next
And to be considered among the ummah’s best

Let him see the importance of knowledge
Not just as means to get into college
That it can empower him in this life
To help out his brethren living in strife

Show her that she can be a doctor and help save a life
And not just, instead, strive to be a doctor’s wife
Let her not measure her success on her number of purses
But instead the ability to lead a team of fifty nurses

Let his goal not be the best grade on a test
But that he studied and tried his best
Make her do homework and turn all of it in
And study every night with true discipline

Let him see that nothing is given withing out trying
And that cheating is the same thing as lying
Guide her to see that success only comes from You
And attaining Jannah is the only success that is true

Show my student that my goal is the same
To help increase the strength of their name
To make them the best students they can be,
Ya Allah, please answer my dua, ameen!