Epic Wedding? Epic Fail–Program

by Ayesha Posted on August 3, 2009

The time has come for me to finish what I planned on starting.

December 6th, 2008

Through this new series I hope to share with you my thoughts on the epic weddings that I attend, one failure at a time.  But I also want to hear about experiences with epic weddings that turned out to be epic failures.  I don’t want to this become a series where I just bash on people who spend a lot of money on weddings.  I want there to be some good to come from this and come up with ways to advise the people on how to make their weddings more Islamically sound and socially acceptable.

So hold on to your ghararahs and shirwanis, because this is going to get interesting!

My first topic of choice is going to be targeting the program of an epic wedding, and what causes it to become an epic fail.

American-Desi Wedding

Weddings in the motherland don’t normally run into this problem.  People back at home know what is important at a wedding–the marriage contract and dinner.  The problem starts stateside, where desis are now trying to incorporate American cultural norms and traditions into our cultural norms and traditions to create some type of blockbuster summer wedding program extravanganza.

What do I mean?  Well at a typical non-Muslim American wedding there is the actual wedding ceremony in a church followed by a reception.  Usually at the reception there are some set parts of the evening:  the bride and groom are received by guests as the new Mr and Mrs; the best man and the maid of honor each propose a toast; the cake is cut; there is the first dance; and last but not least, the bouquet is thrown into a crowd of the bride’s friends.  Each of the moments is expected and takes very little time.  There are only two speeches–which are toasts, and only take about a minute or two max.  All of these practices, by the way, are appreciated by all the guests, because there are only about 100 of them there!  Nothing takes up a lot of time because there is not a huge crowd to manage.

In our weddings, on the other hand, there are about 500 people, average.  So if there is going to a be a program, it requires a lot of planning–planning on a conference-size level.  Planning that requires all the guests have arrived (on time, not a chance), that they are seated (busy eating a samosa, sorry), that they’ll all show interest in what you have to say(not going to happen, because no one cares what your chacha has to say about you.)  Continue reading →

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Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?

by Ayesha Posted on July 29, 2009

This past weekend I helped my parents with some gardening and yard work.  It was a lot of fun, surprisingly.  Or not so surprisingly, I guess.  I’ve always liked doing work outside–mowing the lawn, shoveling the driveway, etc.  Being outside, side by side with my dad, doing some hard manual labor always made me feel more useful than being inside vacuuming or dusting.  But that’s another topic for another day.

On Sunday we worked together to first trim the bushes.  I used a trimmer to make sure all of them were perfectly rounded and flat on the top.  I felt like I was back in ceramics, smoothing out all the bumps on a newly spun pot.  It was nice to fashion it with my own hands.  Anyway, after that finished we had to cut up one of the trees in our yard that was having an identity crisis.

I say this because when we first bought the tree so many years ago all of its branches were growing downward.  It’s a crabapple tree, so its branches droop downward.  I guess that downward growth was forced by man when it was just a little tree, so now that it’s growing up, it’s starting to rebel just a bit.  A few of the branches on the top are growing straight up!  It looks like the tree is vomitting new green leaves.  Unfortunately for it, as healthy as the branches were, we called over Usman uncle and his chain saw to cut the new branches all of.  Sorry tree, but pain is beauty.

Anyway, with all the trees and bushes trimmed up and pretty, I noticed that our yard was still missing something… flowers!  So yesterday when I went with ammi to Randazzo’s, we picked up some flowers and brought them back home.  In the afternoon I went oustide to plant them. Continue reading →

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Seven Short Lessons from Meaningful Prayer

by Ayesha Posted on July 19, 2009

SevenI’m currently enrolled in the Bayyinah Institute class Meaningful Prayer.  And while the class itself is really amazing because it is already helping me focus in my salaah, I think it’s the random things that the teacher, Abdulnasir Jangda is mentioning in class that is a little bit better.  A few things:

1)  Algebra comes from the root ja-ba-ra, which means to correct or straighten with force–When asked what the connection was, he said it was because in Algebra you focus on  correcting and balancing an equation until both sides are equal.  I will definitely be telling my students this in the fall, insha’Allah.

2)  With great struggle comes great reward–obviously something we could have all figured out, but it was worded very nicely.  It has a ring to it, y’know?  One we can all relate to or maybe have heard something similar before in different words (ie–Uncle Ben Parker from Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility”)

3)  Knowledge is worth the struggle and time– another something I want to tell my students in the fall when they’re feeling frustrated and unmotivated.  The confines of what we can and cannot learn, when we can or cannot learn, or who can or cannot learn are built by people and are completely unnecessary.

4)  We are all slaves of Allah–there is no “nice” way to say it.  We are literally His property and nothing else.

5)  Rizq is often mentioned in the Qur’an with rain (weather).  This is a comparison because no one can ever control the rain (weather) and similarly no one can ever control their rizq.  It’s all about tawakkul in that case.

6)  Abu Bakr (AS) was not in town at the time of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasalaam’s death, and so when he came back to find his Rasul and best friend dead, and his daughter a widow, he went to their house.  When he saw the Prophet’s body covered with a white cloth, he lifted it off his face, kissed his forehead and said that he was beautiful in life and beautiful in death.  This story made me cry.

7)  The prescription of what should be done when you’re upset fall into line with doing salaah.  For example, when you’re upset, make wudu–which is done before prayer.  If that doesn’t work say the isti’aadah–which is done after the opening supplication of prayer.  If that doesn’t work, sit down–which is done during prayer.  Long story short–if you’re mad… go pray!

And that’s just from today!  Expect more later, insha’Allah… or take the class coming soon to a town near you!

http://www.bayyinah.com/

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Respondez, S’il Vous Plait

by Ayesha Posted on July 3, 2009

rsvp.jpgI know you’ve felt this way before:  you’ve invited guests to come over and you’re staring at the clock wondering, “When is everyone going to show up?  Do I have enough food?  That person never called me back to let me know if he was going to come… I wonder if he decided on it or not.  Is that someone at the door?  Nope… where is everyone?”

I know this is a common feeling people have because I’ve actually heard people complain about that exact circumstance before.  I’ve even heard people say that it makes them feel unimportant, kind of loserish, and even slightly rejected.

Is that the way a host or hostess should feel?  Someone who is so kind as to invite you over to his or her house?  Apparently not, according to our beloved Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalaam

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyallaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The rights of the Muslim upon the Muslim are six.” It was said, “And what are they Oh Messenger of Allaah?” He replied, “When you meet him, give him the greeting of peace, when he invites you, respond to his invitation, when he seeks your advice, advise him, when he sneezes and praises Allaah, supplicate for mercy upon him, when he becomes ills, visit him, and when he dies follow him (i.e. his funeral).”  [Sahih Muslim]

Imagine that, as a host it is your right as a Muslim that when you give an invitation, your guests respond.  It is your right that if they don’t have a valid excuse, they must attend your invitation.  It is your right that if your guests tell you they are coming, that they come on time. Continue reading →

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Hijab: Helping Our Muslim Brothers Modesty

by Ayesha Posted on June 16, 2009

Imagine you and a friend sitting on the couch watching TV.  All of the sudden, your friend remembers that she needs to pray.  She jumps off the couch, makes wudu, and comes back into the room.  You, having already prayed, are sitting on the couch continuing to watch TV.  Your friend stands up, faces the qiblah, puts her hands to her ears, and says the takbir.

What do you do?  Turn the TV off?  Or leave it on?  Isn’t having the television on during salaah distracting for your friend?  And wouldn’t it be a courtesy to her to turn it off?  Or do you think that she should just have enough khushoo‘ to concentrate over the TV and that her imaan is strong enough to focus on her prayer.  You, after all, were sitting there first, and were enjoying whatever show was on.  And concentrating on her salaah is her duty, not yours.  You already fulfilled your obligation of praying, so now she must deal with the consequences of waiting, and having to pray in a loud environment.

You’re nicer than that, aren’t you?  And wouldn’t you agree that it’s easier for you to turn off the TV than it is for your friend to concentrate in her prayer?  We all know how hard it is to concentrate even when the room is quiet.

Continue reading →

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